It’s hard to ask for what we want. I certainly have a hard time with it and I know many of my clients do. It’s kind of exposing. In our culture, if I ask for what I want:
I am too demanding
You will think I’m a nag or annoying
I will be taking too much space
It makes me less independent or strong if I want something from you
I feel too vulnerable if I say want a want
It doesn’t have to be this way. What if we view sharing what we want as an act of giving to our relationships? When we give our preferences and desires to others, is a way we are showing ourselves to them. When we say what we want, it helps us create close, trusting relationships. It also helps our relationships when we live more interdependently, co-creating our lives together.
How about next time you are interacting with a friend, tell them what movie you want to see, what kind of friendship you want to create with them, that you would rather do the museum instead of drinks at the bar. And view this as giving.
Tell me how it goes!